i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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