so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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