Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
