No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
