I think my vagina is haunted
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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