dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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