I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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