well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
