just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
