We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
