yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
