I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
