Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
