It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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