peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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