exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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