I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
