Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
