im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We are two peas in an std pod
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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