Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
