Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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