ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
