look no pants
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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