i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
