just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
