My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he fucked my hip out of place.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
