Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
