When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
