hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
