so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
