Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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