dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
