So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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