I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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