Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
