found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
