she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
