I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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