He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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