nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize