She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
