I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
