I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
