I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
