Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
