This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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