Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
