i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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