Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
