they need to just BURY HIM!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
