omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
