Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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