I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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