I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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