i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
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