There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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