a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
