Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
