I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
