I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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