My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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