Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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