My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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