You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
