Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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